


we never change, do we?

by hidden_sea



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidden_sea/pseuds/hidden_sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>somethimes, love is wierd.<br/>aspically when you look over it when all your friends are dead or lost and you got nothing left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we never change, do we?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in english so please, please, don't kill me <3  
> It will be a bunch of one-shots about the fucked up love life of the fierce Johanna Mason, flashbacks, future, mistakes...  
> hope you will enjoy it!

Finnick came just in time to see two struggling nurses trying to unlock the grip of Johanna Mason's teeth on one of the nurse's hand. Haymitch told him about Her breakdown but He didn't thought it was THAT bad.  
He never came before to help them try and tame Her enough to give Her bath or any medical treatment so He didn't actually know what is 'bad' in Johanna's terms but- when He heard her screaming, Finnick mind got blank.  
Standing outside the hospital wing, looking from the one-sided mirror He saw Her shouting, at first it were real words "no," and "please" and mumbling of "I know nothing" but it deteriorated fast, turning into animalistic sounds, yelps, cries and then silence as She managed to bite the nurse's hand when the poor lady tried to get her out of her soaked military uniform.  
She looked like some kind of frightened animal, nails hooked in the nurse's shirt, legs twitching on the floor and wide open dark eyes, focused in panic on the bitten flesh before her.  
They gave her some kind of medicine in syringe and finnick watched how the fire dim in her angry eyes as her grip loses. She blinked drunkenly a few times and then her knees gave up on the weight they carried.  
He didn't know how such a small thing can cause so much damage, Johanna was all knees and elbows and sharp ribs, like swords had been pushed under her skin.  
Now, as the drugs took over her body the powerful victor looked like a small child, curled up into herself as the old nurse stripped her naked and placed her gently in a warm bath, Johanna was so small She fitted in of the old metal tub the hospital wig had. Finnick did not felt awkward at all, not for her nakedness at least, He was ashamed He didn't came earlier.  
He was drowning in his own happiness, in his new wife's lips. Annie kept him close, every minute and second and hour until they were not Finnick and Annie, they were one person- dancing in the waltz of life, dreaming of coming back to the waves of their home district.  
Finnick felt ashamed He didn't felt ashamed until now.  
The nurse scrubbed Johanna's scarred back and arms from what looked like congealed blood and mud, dried her limbs with white towel and then dressed her in the dead-pale-grey robe, tucking her in the hospital bed.  
In that moment Finnick dragged his legs into the room, rubbing his neck, almost trying to scratch the shiver that crawl on his flesh.  
He set beside her on the little old chair, still at first and then getting enough courage to start petting her head gently, like He was touching ceramic doll.  
Finnick wanted to brush her wavy, wild hair like He did long time ago but She didn't had wild waves of brown silk, just thin layer of spiky hair, gathered in patched over her pale scalp.  
He run his fingers on those patches, looking almost hypnotized to the fur-short strands.  
It took a while until She got back to normal functioning, though. The bronze haired man watched her chest rising and falling rapidly but didn't stopped brushing her head with his fingers.  
"They burned it down to the root." She whispered in hoarse voice. Well, Johhanna did screamed her lungs out half an hour ago.  
"What?" Finnick asked, his voice tender and soft in comparison.  
"My hair got burned out when they electrified me, to the root. Dammit Finnick, that was the most awful thing I have ever smelled."  
He stopped the trip of his fingers on her scalp, looking at the young women's eyes, wide open with pupils big as pools of oil. Those oil eyes moved nervously in the room, over the beds and curtains and the light-green walls. Finally they rested on his lap, staring at the little knot of rope that look something like a ring.  
They didn't had rings in district 13.  
"How is you little pretty wife?" She started again, Finnick saw the tiny twitching of her hands, Johanna looked like She was fighting something Invisible.  
Her mind, apparently.  
"Good, She's good."  
"Nice to hear."  
"Yeah."  
They fell silence, finnick played with his little knot ring and Johanna rubbed her face over and over again, pushing her long, rough skinned fingers against her eye sockets.  
"Why don't you try and sleep a little, i will stay here if you like."  
Actually, the way She talked and moved frightened him. He wanted her harsh being back, even the biting-and-scratching being but not the little scared creature the Capitol made her.  
She was fighting the morphine now, afraid of what the sleep will bring.  
"Can't."  
"Sure you can, just rest your head backwards, think happy thoughts, what about imagining killing Snow with your bare hands, ha?" He made a little dry giggle, scratching his neck again, ruffling his bronze hair that seemed like wild wheat at the dim light in the room.  
"Like i did to the nurse?"  
"Jesus, you were like some kind of bulldog out there, I think you broke some of her fingers, poor woman... She just wanted to help."  
She didn't speak, just blinked this time, rubbing her face again. Finnick could see the bruises on her arms from when the nurses hold her still.  
Johanna's screaming and begging filled his head again, they were squeaky, anxious, like they were coming from different person.   
A fearful one.  
That was a lie of course, Johanna Mason never felt fear. did she?  
"They will never let me go to the Capitol now, do they?" The sleepy girl whispered, it was strange to see her that way, lying there, exhausted and unprotected. He waited for the sarcastic punch line to come, the angry fist to hit but without her furious behavior דhe was just another young women. 21 in few months, actually.  
Finnick moved his head slowly, It's not the time to say He's going to the Capitol in 2 days then.  
The tired man wanted her to come with him, He wanted to know her better, He wanted to be her friend again and never let go.  
But in their world, they never get what they crave the most, they get leftovers in the In the best case.  
Finnick got what He wanted most desperately, though, He married annie.  
but Johanna had big, ugly, nothing.  
"You will know about everything we do, just like Annie. Haymitch promised me He will arrange it."  
"With annie." She mocked he's tone- "The crazy victor and the fucking too-fragile-to-even-leave-home-girl together, watching their only friends running around the Capitol with guns. Yeah, I'm sure nothing bad will happen.."  
"Johanna-"  
"Jinnick."  
He pouted slightly, touching johanna's shoulder blade. The women shivered under his touch and turned her wide-set eyes to him, they stopped being so blank, but not completely. She was already sweating as her body noticed the morphine leaving her blood cycle.  
Like seeing fire under thousand of thousands of cellophane paper.  
"Keep an eye on her." He almost begged.  
"You're her husband, keep an eye on her yourself." She spat.  
"Please, Johanna, I trust you," He did not trust her with Annie, but He wanted to say something, anything, everything.  
He wanted to say He loves her, He wanted to say goodbye, He wanted her to promise She will take care of Annie and herslef.  
"You are unbearable Finnick Odair."  
"I know sweetheart."  
She used her matches hands to force her body into sitting position, rising one eyebrow at the nickname.   
Johanna shiverd a little as another nurse came, checking her infusion, adding more sleeping drugs apparently.  
He hugged her then, and She didn't resist.  
Joahnna did punch him in the face the last time he hugged her, but this time was differen, the air filled with the smell of war- goodbyes and medicine and fear.  
He rubbed her back, a littel too hard actually. Feeling her tiny bones and shivering skin he could finally breath.Johanna didn't smelt like he remembered, of metal, pine needles and muddy earth but the soft skin of her forehead felt the same as he brushed his lips there.  
Finnick heard her shallow breath against his ear, and She rested her head on his shoulder, lips touching lightly on his neck.  
He did not want to admit this made his heart jump a little, He loved Johanna with all his heart, He really did, but not like she thought, not like She felt. Or is He?  
Johanna was never readerbal, too unstable to predict or understand, maybe he just imagined the warm light in her eyes when She saw his face, all those nights together in the capitol when She slept next to him, finding comfort in his body heat and soothing hands, the drunk kiss they shared not so many years ago. Was it all only the creation of his mind?  
When He walked from the room, a few minutes before katniss arrived Johanna whispered, mostly to herself, to the sky far above her head and to the aching soul far inside-  
"i am wasting love with you, Finnick Odair."

It was the last time she saw him.

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it?  
> please let me know! :D


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